The Beginner's Guide to Kissing

By: Katherine on 1:53 PM

So, I had a sultry, sexy intro devised to transition into this topic, but I’m sure you saw the picture I made for this, so let’s not beat around the bush. Today, I am going to teach you three things, which I have learned through great personal hardship combined with extensive research. But first, I know you have questions. Can I be trusted? Who am I to tell you how to kiss? Do I know how to kiss? Umm. Yes. But I have made a kisser’s resume for you, right here:

• has lips
• has kissed a good number of boys. Not prudish. Not slutty (Not that those labels are even slightly relevant or meaningful. No thank you, patriarchy). 
• but seriously I’ve done some kissing in my day
• the last three guys I kissed ALL TOLD ME I WAS A GOOD KISSER
• numbers like that don’t lie

I rest my case. Now. Let it begin. My first topic is:

INITIATING KISSING

Okay, there are basically two ways you can do this: direct and indirect. Directly, you are the initiator of kisses. You put your mouth on his/her mouth. Indirect, you do some hair-twirling, eye-lash batting magic and make them kiss you. 

DIRECT INITIATION

A big goal here is to not kiss anyone who doesn’t want to kiss you. That sounds terrible for every involved party. So. To make your intentions clear (but not like, weirdly clear) do the following:

1. Touch. Anything from a casual physical contact while talking, or taking their arm while walking, or holding hands is a great way to indicate interest, and to break the touch barrier and make it a smooth transition into PUTTING YOUR MOUTH ON THEIR MOUTH. Sorry. I got excited. 
2. Get close. Lean in while talking, snuggle up when appropriate. Physical closeness is the perfect precursor to any kiss.
3. Optional: hand on face. I’m a fan of hand on face because it makes your intentions oh-so-clear, it helps to guide you in, and it also is just plain nice, as a kiss recipient. Other options include hand on waist, hand on shoulder, hand under chin, whichever strikes your fancy.
4. Optional, again: ask. Some people hate to be asked, but it can be polite and sweet. If you’re uncertain, asking doesn’t hurt. Or just say, “I’d really like to kiss you,” or pay a genuine and personal compliment, like, “you’re so beautiful,” or “you’re incredible, you know that?” with lots of eye contact and coy smiling. 
5. Close your eyes. Trust yourself to get your mouth safely to its destination. 
6. Put your lips on their lips! Always closed mouth at first. For the love of all that is holy, go in with your mouth closed. Please don’t terrorize the kissing population with an open mouth on impact.

INDIRECT INITIATION

The steps for direct and indirect initiation are going to look the same for a while.

Except instead of step three, you’re going to do the eyes-mouth-eyes gaze maneuver, a maneuver which has never failed me. I repeat, never failed. So, here we go: The eyes-mouth-eyes gaze maneuver. It is shockingly self explanatory. You, at a reasonably close distance, look at their eyes, smile a little, hold for a second, look at their mouth, maintaining mysterious smile, and then look back to their eyes if they aren’t already kissing you. Which they should be. Because this maneuver is like, universal code for “kiss me now, please.” If the maneuver fails, it is easily transitioned out of, and makes for great flirting regardless of outcome.

Now, my second topic of conversation:

MOVE YOUR MOUTH AND HANDS IN PLEASANT WAYS

Now that you have achieved your goal, your lips are touching, it’s all about what you do with those lips. Kissing does come down to personal preference a lot of the time, but I’ve listed a few good things to do, and a few bad things to do, with both mouth and hands. 

GOOD THINGS TO DO

• Pay attention to their responses. Match pace, and force. You can take the lead, but be a benevolent leader. No need to scare anyone with kissing too hard or fast too soon. That’s how you get your teeth clinked on their teeth, which is rookie stuff. 
• Know where to put your hands. For girls, this mostly means small of her back, her face, and her hair. A hand in your hair, or playing with a girl’s hair while kissing is delightful. For guys, this will be his back, shoulders, and face and hair, again. It’s super nice. If you’re brave, there are other places for hands to be, but as far as a polite, basic kiss, this is what you need to know.
• Use your tongue nicely. Which means intermittently, and not too forcefully. Use it to trace one of their lips; use it gently and play it by ear. 
• Let it come naturally. Kissing is not difficult; it’s almost instinctive. Have faith in yourself. However, when it comes to tongue, err on the side of caution.

BAD THINGS TO DO

• GO IN WITH AN OPEN MOUTH. Don’t, don’t ever. This is scary.
• Too hard, too fast. Ease into it, tiger. If you rush in, guns blazing, people get scared.
• Ignore signals. Your partner will usually kiss the way they want to be kissed, and so should you. Listen to each other. This also goes for hands; if a partner puts their hands where they are not welcome, just take them and guide them back. This should be enough of a hint. The opposite is also true; be aware and respectful of boundaries. 
• All tongue, all the time. Change it up, and for the love of god don’t leave your tongue limp in their mouth. That’s terrible. 

END A KISS

In writing this, I realized I don’t actually remember how most kisses end. However I don’t remember it ever being awkward, which means it’s probably pretty instinctive. Just be nice, all the time; that’s the best advice there is. Whether it’s a non-committal make out or a kiss you hope to repeat, smile a lot, be nice, and leave them wanting more. 

As always, I hope this helps! Go out, put your lips on one another, kiss passionately and without remorse. Heaven knows I do. 

With Love, 

Kate